what they say when you leave the room

In this letter

• One question: what people say when your name comes up

• One truth: it lives in the "sure," the "fine" and the "k"

• One move: where to move differently this week

• Also: new on The Well Podcast with Dr. Michael Gervais

Reading time: 4 minutes.

Someone said your name this week in a room you weren't in.

A hiring conversation. A board looking for a chair. A friend deciding who to introduce to who. Your team on Friday afternoon, after you logged off.

Nobody read your resume out loud. They reached for a couple of words, and those words decided whether your name went forward or got skipped.

So here's a question to sit with this week.
What do you want them to say?

When your name comes up, what do people think of?
Who do they say you are?

Most of us haven't thought about it much. We think about the title, the next role, the number, just getting through the week. We almost never think about how our presence lands.

It's in the small stuff

It shows up in the energy you answer a message with.

In the "sure" that means sure, and the "sure" that means I'll do it, but I want you to know it cost me.

In "fine."

In "k."

It shows up in how you walk into a meeting. In the first ten seconds after something goes sideways.

In how you treat the person who can't do anything for you.

Leaders bring the weather.

Your presence matters, whether you meant it to or not.

There are two questions in leadership, and most of us only ever check the first.
What am I doing. And how am I doing it.

People forget most of the what. They remember the how.

The part you control

Opportunities come from who you know and how they remember you.
Almost none of that runs through your title.

Your title can change.
Your role can change.
The company can change.

How you make people feel, you can change too.
Starting with the next message you answer.

The words I put down

I'll go first with the words I'm done with.

Exhausted. Frustrated. Busy.

For years "busy" came out before I'd thought about it, and it felt like a compliment. Busy meant needed. Busy meant important. Busy meant nobody could say I wasn't trying. That made sense. It kept me safe for a long time.

Life is full for all of us. We don't need to perpetuate or glorify “busy.”

Then I decided I didn't want those words to be part of my personality anymore, and I shifted accordingly.

I still want more. And I want to be available for more. I'm done paying for it with exhausted, frustrated and busy.

Say it, then be it

In chapter 2 of Chasing Enough, I write about anchor words. Three words for how you want to show up, so when things get loud you have something to come back to.

Choosing the words is the easy part. This week is about embodiment: the gap between who you say you are and how you're actually showing up.

Keep it simple. How do you want people to describe you?
Then go be that, on purpose.

Move differently this week

You probably aren't your words yet. That’s OK. You start by acting like someone who already is, in the places people actually feel you.

How you respond. When something goes sideways, what does someone with your words do in the first ten seconds?

How you treat people. Who gets the best of you, and who gets what's left?
Pick one person who's been getting what's left.

How you open doors. Whose name will you put forward in a room they're not in?

How you listen. In your next one-on-one, ask one more question before you answer.

Pick one. Set the intention before the meeting, before the reply, before you walk in the door.

Intention. Intention. Intention.

Four prompts to sit with

1. Three words I want people to use when my name comes up.

2. Three words I think they actually use.

3. Three words I'm done being known for.

4. Where I'll move differently this week.

Then, if you’re feeling bold… ASK. Ask five people to share how they’d describe you if they only got three words to do it.

One line to take with you

You earn the words on an ordinary Tuesday.

I'm doing this too. My mentor group has us asking thirty people.

Next week I'll share my new words, what came back, and how big the gap was.

New on The Well Podcast this week

#171: Recovery Is the Edge, with Dr. Michael Gervais. If "exhausted" and "busy" have been your words too, start here. Michael is a high performance psychologist to Olympians and the Seattle Seahawks, and we talked about why elite teams treat stress and recovery as one equation, and why recovery is where the edge comes from.
Listen here.

Leadership that lasts,

Mandy

Get Chasing Enough. Chasing Enough: The High Achiever's Guide to Sustainable Success is out now in Canada and lands in the US on October 20. Buy before November 1 and upload your receipt at mandybalak.com/toolkit to get the audiobook, the Well-Resourced Toolkit and a seat at the December live session. Get your copy here.

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